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A Career Woman’s Question – to herself

You’ve worked hard for years to get a good education and build a successful career.
And have been on the grind for several years trying to climb the corporate ladder.
Then one day you realize you are 30 YEARS OLD and start thinking more about having a baby.

The more you think about the magnitude of bringing a Human into this word and your world,
a wave of emotions and questions comes into your head.

One of which is, “when is the right time?”.

Each woman’s journey to motherhood is different

Some women dream of becoming a mother since they were children and some know this was not their path from a young age.

I listen to our two daughters play family with their dolls often. Their play family dynamics vary but usually include a child or children.

I have no recollection of dreaming of having children until I was married for several years.
As I reflect to write this post I realize that my early dreams were based on achieving my Basic Needs as a Human.

Basic Needs as a Human

According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, humans are motivated to achieve certain needs and some needs take precedence over others.
Our basic human need is for Survival {oxygen, water, food, shelter and sleep/rest}.

Once we have these basic needs we then move on up to a need for Safety and Security.

My goals were focused on getting a good education and consequently a successful career.
These goals were based on my need for Safety and Security.
Having an education and a career provided safety and security for me, giving me assurance that I could stand on my own two feet and provide for myself and family.

As I mentioned in my post When are you going to have a baby?
My husband and I wanted to finish college and secure careers before having children.
We had our first daughter a few months before our 7^th wedding anniversary.

Questioning – The Right Time to Have a Baby

As the years went by in our marriage and I got to my 30s, I began to dream of our babies.
I wanted to see our baby, a baby that was a combination of “us”.
However, I would question myself and my husband about the Right Time.

When is the “right” time to have a baby?

Are we sure we are ready to have a baby?

Are we “ready” for a baby?

I was finishing up my master’s degree, my husband was in law school and we both worked full time when we seriously started discussing babies. We had no family living close to us, and I think I was worried about how we would care for the baby with our busy lives.

My husband and I would speak with people we knew with busy careers and a family and asked how they managed it all.

There is No Right Time “To Have a Baby”

We found that people just made it work, and each family handled things in a manner that worked for their situation.
We learned that There is “No Right Time” to have a baby.
Each person or couple must assess their life and decide when’s the “Right Time” for them to start and even to expand their family.

It’s similar to making other major life-changing decisions such as getting married and the type of wedding to have.
I remember the stress of planning a wedding.
My aunt gave me some advice that really helped.
She said, “it is all about you two”.
Meaning, the wedding was about my then fiancé and me.
We had to decide what was best for us, and no one could make those decisions for us.

We cannot worry about others or what Society says. We must assess our lives, and speak with our partners and decide.

Things to consider when you ask yourself or think
“When is the right time to have a baby”
or wonder if You’re Ready.

No one can tell you when you are ready. Your doctor can assess your health and give you recommendations.
But, at the end of the day, it’s all about you and your partner”.
You cannot compare yourself to your friends, colleagues and family members.
Each person’s lifestyle is different. Social media has made it more challenging to not compare.
We see all our high school and college friends starting and expanding their families, and start comparing. Some people can handle seeing babies everywhere and some cannot. We cannot control who we see in our daily lives,
however, we Can control what we see on social media. Disconnect from social media or modify your settings if you know seeing everyone on Facebook, Instagram and other platforms with their baby bump or babies get you all up in your feelings.
Age is just a number, and not the only factor to consider as a woman when you wonder about the Right Time to start a family. We see more women having healthy babies at “older” ages every day.
Yes, the older we get as women, the less fertile we are, however, by taking care of ourselves and practicing healthier habits we increase our chances. That’s what the “experts” say… You can always “freeze” your eggs when you are younger and more fertile as one of my friends did.
You gain superpowers when you have a baby. I read books, attended classes and spoke to the mothers closest to me to help prepare for pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood. All the shared stories and advice helped, however, when that baby comes, you just know what to do – and you learn as you go along.
You must want to give more of yourself, before having a child. When you decide to have a baby, it must be because you want that baby. Children need a lot to Live and Thrive.

We are blessed with the awesome responsibility to help a Human and prepare them to become productive citizens of our society.
Children need more than the basic Human Needs to become their full potential.
A baby will be your child for Life, not just the first 18 years of their life.
I’m almost 40 years old and I still need my mother, especially for the BIG events of my life.
My mother could not make it for the birth of my second daughter and I cried like a baby.
There is something special about a mother’s comfort.

My daughters are my greatest blessings. I prayed for a long time for a baby and God blessed me not once, but twice with two miracles.
I do not take my role and responsibility as a mother lightly.

I remember wondering if I would ever feel ready.

I have learned that motherhood is a journey of stages and I am always learning.
Oh, and each child is different! There is no one size fits all rule in parenthood.

If you are considering starting your family and wondering
“When is the Right Time to Have a Baby”, remember, there is No Right Time!

There is no universal Time or Age for women or couples to have a baby.
Of course, they are recommendations of the optimal time, but that’s it,
those are just recommendations and each person must assess their life and decide.

Thoughts From a Mom Who also Wondered – When is the Right Time to Have a Baby

No one can tell you when you are ready. That is a decision that each person must decide for themselves.
You cannot compare yourself to others as each person’s life and the situation is different.
Age is just a number and not the only factor to keep in mind when wondering if you are ready for a baby.
Don’t feel or get pressured to have a baby because you are getting to a certain age.
Stay healthy and you have the option of freezing your eggs until…
You may feel like you have no idea of how to care for a baby. I seriously feel like God gives us super mommy powers when we become a parent that you can only gain by jumping in and learning as you go along.
As parents, we are raising little humans to become our future leaders.
It takes more than providing food, clothing, and shelter to raise a child to become productive members of our society.
There will be times when you are so tired and you just want to sleep and you can’t because you have a little person who needs you.
You must want to give more of yourself, before having children.
And, babies will be your children beyond the technical age they become an adult.
Yes, we must prepare our children to be independent and to be able to thrive in this world, however, we must also be their biggest cheerleaders and supporters.
If we as mothers and parents are not there for our children, who the heck do we think should be!
Sometimes support will come in the form of “tough love” as well.

If you are at the crossroads of considering becoming a mother and wondering, “when is the right time” or “will I ever feel ready”,
I hope this post will help.

For each person, being ready is different. Some people may need to achieve certain things in life before having a baby and some may not.
I think the basic thing babies need is LOVE and the rest you will figure out.

Did you feel ready to have a baby? What can you share with ladies asking themselves this question?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Please comment below.
You can also email me on yamiek@tallawahhuman.com