Have you ever wondered if mothers can influence children’s career success?
Being a mother is one of, if not the hardest role I have ever had.
Especially on days when I constantly have moments hearing…
Mommy! Mommy, please come here. Kendall is being mean! Mommy, Kennedie took away my doll!!!
I heard mommy been called, screamed and shouted a lot this summer.
At one pint, I remember thinking back to when I couldn’t wait to hear my firstborn say the words, mommy or mama. And now I have two daughters whos favorite word that’s echoed is, MOMMY!!!.
Can you relate?
They were times I literally wanted to run and hide or scream “stop!”. I had to pause, quickly gather myself and try and respond with grace, and as a civilized human being. When I just wanted to scream too.
And, yes, I lost it more times than I know this summer.
Spending 24/7 doing various outings with tired kids when you are also tired can make another side of you come out.
I started incorporating a practice of consciously thinking about “how I want to show up” for my daughters each day about a year ago.
As my daughters got older I realized that how I show up or not show up for them affects them and their day. If we had a rocky morning I may get a note from their teacher saying they had a rough day.
As a career coach, I coach my students that they can’t control all external factors during their job search. They can only control themselves and how they choose to respond to challenges. I had to take my own advice.
How I respond to my daughters screaming my name, arguing with each other and defying my rules matter. And can affect their success.
The Advice From My Mother That Changed My Life
What is the best piece of advice that you have ever received and why?
Ruth Soukup asks all her guests this question at the end of each interview on her Do it Scared Podcasts. I have listened to Ruth’s podcast for over a year, however today, the question struck a chord within me.
What is the best piece of advice that you have ever received and why?
The Best Piece Of Advice I Received Was From My Mother
As I thought about the question I realized my mother gave me the best piece of advice when I was a teenager in high school.
It was something in the line of “Yamiek, you don’t need to be the smartest. You just need to put in the work, do your very best and you will get the results”.
Having had this realization and reflecting on this advice from my mother, made me see how much my Mother Influenced My Career Sucess.
My mother was teaching high school students as one of her side hustles at the time.
She told me about two of her students. A “smart student” that didn’t try or do much work and an “average” student that worked really hard and was always striving to do his best.
The average student usually did much better in his projects and assignments than the smart student.
Unknowingly, these few words made a tremendous impact on me throughout my life and career.
As I thought about “WHY” this advice was the best piece of advice I have ever received, it hit me. How powerful a mother’s words are to a child.
Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., a nationally recognized family, child development, and human behavior expert, author, and educator say’s “who your baby will be and how he will grow subsequently is up to you”. She further states that ” your choices – what you say (and don’t say), what you do (and don’t do) – strongly influence who your child becomes”.
As a mom and parent, you have the power to influence your children’s career success.
A Mothers Words To A Child Can Impact Their Success
As a young child, my sister and I were always top of our class in prep school. At some point, I checked out and fell behind in school.
Between missing my mother, changing homes and schools numerous times I fell behind or didn’t progress in school.
I shared a part of my story of being separated from my mother in the article Moms are Heroes and Hero Makers.
When I was finally reunited with my mother – we had a lot of work to do to help me get caught up.
Your Children May Need Help. Make Sure You Recognize Their Needs.
I did not pass the Common Entrance Exam that I needed to be admitted to high school in Jamaica.
However, I was given another chance. My aunt somehow got me into my top choice of high school.
My mom sent me to extra lessons, summer school, asked her friends to tutor me – doing all she could to help get me caught up. She never gave up on me and always believed in my full potential even when I didn’t.
As Parent, We Must Be Advocates For Our Children
We have to be advocates for our children and provide the resources to help them where we can’t.
We don’t need to do it all alone. You Do Not Need to Do It All Alone!
However, we cannot expect those assisting us to do all the work. We must partner with our teachers, youth pastors, doctors, and coaches to help prepare our children for successful futures.
How You Can Advocate For Your Children
We all have different lives and unique situations. Our children will need different support through each season of their lives.
Some ways I remember my mother supporting me that affected my academic and career success.
- She always encouraged me to do my best. Mediocre work was unacceptable.
- My mother made sure I had all my school supplies and the resources I needed to succeed in school.
- I remember my mom staying up with me to study and help me with my homework.
- She also supported me by laying down the law and saying NO!
- Twenty plus years later, I remember my mom saying, “you better not waste my money and fail your exams or you’re going to go to Freezone and work back my money!”I was preparing for what was then called CXC exams in the Carribean. These were the exams that decided your next steps with college and your career.
Freezone was a local textile factory at the time. I was highly motivated to not only pass my exams and do well but, to never work in the factory.
Your Children Are listening Even When It Doesn’t Seem So
I can’t count the number of times I have asked my daughters, “how many times should I tell you so and so…”. I know it’s frustrating when you repeat yourself to your children multiple times and they keep doing or not doing what they’re supposed to.
Research shows that it takes 7 to 20 times for an adult to hear something in order to take action. Research shows that messages are more effective when repeated.
I’m left to wonder about our digital age kids. It may take us repeating several times to break through all their distractions.
My mother desperately tried everything to help me prepare for my CXC exams. Her talks, words of encouragement and warnings are what mostly stucked in my memory. I wasn’t always responsive or welcoming to her “lectures”.
That advice stuck in my brain and made me start working harder. I felt I had no limit to my potential as long as I put in the work.
The day I got my CXC exam results is still vivid in my memory. I passed all my eight subjects! Cell phones we not common back then and I asked to use the school’s office phone and called my mom. She exploded in screams of excitement and happiness and I’m sure relief.
It felt good to make my mother so happy and proud.
That was the first confirmation that with hard work I would succeed.
Each Success Gives Us Confidence
Passing my exams after putting in the work, gave me the confidence to move to Gainesville, FL alone. I moved to college with my suitcases in pursuit of my career dreams. The obstacles and challenges I faced to pursue my goal of getting a college education did not phase me.
I didn’t have a plan B. I didn’t care that it was hard I just kept trying. If someone said no or a door closed, I found someone else or another door. No one or nothing was going to get in my way!
And, if something didn’t work out after all my efforts I had faith in God and believed it was not his will for me. Though this was not easy to do all the time as I questioned: “why things were so difficult for me”.
My mom told me I just had to work hard and I would get the results. She believed in me and supported me going off to college in pursuit of my dreams.
The Words We Speak Into Our Children Are Very Important
Unknowingly I used those little words to keep me going throughout college, my career and life.
Parents, speak positively to your children. Encourage them.
Be their advocates and their cheerleaders. The person that will be truthful and speak from a place of love.
Let them know when they are doing wrong. Say no!
As a career coach, I tell my students the truth, with tact and empathy, of course. My goal is to prepare my students for career success. To give them the tools they need to best represent themselves, compete and achieve their career and life goals.
I’m using some of the same advice to coach my two daughters.
Mothers Can Influence Their Children’s Success
How and what we say to our children can and will influence their academic, career and life success.
We must take command at home. Yes, life is not easy and we all have different abilities and challenges. Doing the best you can with what you have makes you the Best Mother.
Seek help and create communities, your village that will help you equip your children with the skills and tools they need to be successful.
As I wrote this article I remembered a story my mother once shared. It was about a single mom that had three children and couldn’t read. The lady would send her children to the neighbors to get help with their homework.
She couldn’t read but built a “village” of neighbors that helped her support her children. All her children went on to receive a college education and secured prestigious and successful careers. Her children didn’t know about her challenges with reading until they were older.
This mother couldn’t read, however, she found a way to support her children and ensured they learned to read and receive an education.
She did not have an education, however, she knew she had the power to influence her children’s career success.
In what unique way are you influencing your children’s career success?
