As I heard these lyrics, “did you ever know you’re my hero” from Bette Midler-The Wind Beneath My Wings song, I thought about my hero, my mom, my mother, my Marcia – My First Love.
My Mom is My Hero
She is all I aspired to be with for the first years of my life. When I finally got my wish and was reunited with her it wasn’t all I had envisioned it to be.
For years I didn’t understand why my mom wasn’t coming to get me.
Why she left me. Why she didn’t want me. Why she wasn’t coming to get me?
I would dream of her coming to get me and what life would be when I was finally able to be with her again.
I started to understand when I finally got my one dream, my biggest hope, and the greatest desire of my little heart.
To live and be with my mom again.
How My Hero Became My Mom
You see, my mother got pregnant with me right out of high school.
She worked through a youth program as a teacher and saved her money. So she could buy what she needed for herself and unborn baby. She gave birth to me and stayed home with me for one year.
Doing the Best Thing, Even When It’s Hard
My mom then made what I can just imagine as one of the hardest decisions of her life.
To leave her baby.
When I became a mother I began to understand the magnitude of the pain and mixed emotions and feelings that must have been for her.
And my heart ached/s for my 19-year-old mom. Who had to grow up and make a hard decision that in the short future would be tremendously painful, however, was the best decision for her and mostly her one-year-old baby.
Doing the hard things over the easy things and what’s considered “right” by “everyone” takes courage.
As moms, we have to make our decisions based on what’s best for us, our family, our situation, and life.
We may not understand a Mom’s “why”, however, we can support her!
As mothers we all need support. When we come together we’re stronger.
Together we’re able to care better for our future leaders, our children.
When Your Faith Is Greater than Your Fear
What faith, strength, bravery she had to have to know that – in order to set herself up for a successful future. To be able to provide for herself and her child – she had to trust that she was making the right decision.
Trust that though she didn’t know all the steps to this future she dreamed of, she had to go after it!
Trust that her daughter would be cared for and get the attention and love she wouldn’t be there to give her.
My mom left me in the “country” with my dad and went off to the City in Kingston, Jamaica to college.
Going After Your Dream, Despite Lack Of Support
She was from rural Jamaica. She didn’t have the support of her mother, my grandmother.
I suspect, my grandma was heartbroken. She knew my mom’s potential and was disappointed. That my mom didn’t take heed when she spoke to her about her choices.
She was afraid that my mom would be stuck and not have the bright future she saw in my mom.
But, what my grandmother didn’t realize at the time was – she had planted seeds of education, strength, courage, determination, grit, an attitude of no excuse and ambition in my mother that either of them may have realized!
The Hero Maker, Who Molded My Hero Maker
My grandmother had defied all odds and not only completed high school but also college.
She DARED to go to college after being married and having six children at a time in rural Jamaica when girls dreamed to attend high school.
SIDE NOTE: I first heard the term “Hero Maker” when I volunteered at a conference at my church. The term stuck with me. I recently learned that our lead pastor, Dave Ferguson, co-wrote a book called, Hero Maker. You can learn more at the link provided. Hence, this is NOT my term.
Making No Excuse & Creating The Life You Deserved
My grandmother took her six children and went back home to her family. She discovered that my grandfather had an affair with the woman she had hired and entrusted to care for her children while she was attending college.
She knew her worth and knew what she wanted for her children and herself. And she became a Rockstar Single Career Mom.
My grandmother also didn’t know how she would care for herself and her six children, however, she made an enormously hard decision to walk away from an abusive relationship with my grandfather (I don’t know the details).
However, know it change my grandmother forever. She was heartbroken. However, as so many mothers do around the world. She held herself together and made life work for her children.
I can’t even imagine the fear she must have felt. Becoming a single parent of six children.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a hero as:
1a: A mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability
b: An illustrious warrior
c: A person admired for achievements and noble qualities
d: One who shows great courage
These definitions describe my Hero, my mom, and the Hero that molded my mom.
My Grandmother. The Hero that changed the trajectory of our family.
Circling Back – How Been Separated From My Mom Affected Me
I was an emotional wreck for years. I only saw my story from the eyes of my one-year-old to maybe 10-year-old self’s eyes.
When my mom and I were finally reunited, I saw how challenging life was for her. I had to grow up pretty fast.
I think this is when I became more conscious and started thinking about who I wanted to be.
I learned so much during those years. All those lessons made me a better person, human, and mother.
Looking back, I saw that God had his plan. He knew exactly when my mom and I needed to get back together.
Grateful for the Good, Bad and Ugly
As I got older and saw the warrior and force to be reckoned with my mom is I became thankful for the tremendous sacrifices she made. It wasn’t easy for her or for me. But, she wouldn’t have been able to provide the knowledge, skills, life experiences to me and my sister and brother that she has.
I didn’t even touch on my sister’s and brothers’ story.
As I’m sharing from my eyes as that little girl who loved this lady so so much and ached for her for years.
I went from suffering from heartbreak and feeling unwanted to realizing that I was very much loved and wanted by my mother.
She had to put her armor on her heart and jump into the fire of life and fight for the life she wanted for herself and her children.
Mommy, did you ever know you’re my Hero?
I have tremendous respect for my mother. She has been My Hero Since Birth. She Is My First Love!
My love, appreciation, and admiration for my mom have kept growing as I started to understand the tremendous strength and courage she has.
Being a Mom Hero Isn’t Easy
If you’re at a crossroads in your life and you’re trying to make a challenging decision that will affect not only your life but the life of your children.
Have Faith, be Strong and think about the Big Picture and apply Common Sense.
Think not just about today. But tomorrow and years down the road.
What kept and keeps me striving
Prayers have always been my go-to when I have no answers. I grew up knowing I could always pray to God, and do recognize not everyone grew up as I did or have the same beliefs.
Find the thing that gives you faith, strength, and courage to walk this life.
I am fortunate to have been surrounded by strong women of courage and faith who are Heros and Hero Makers.
I’m very thankful that my mom had the courage to make hard decisions. That she did her very best for me and my brother and sister.
Doing Your Best Makes You A Hero
We continue to watch her being a Hero for not only her children and family. This is what she learned from her mom, her Hero Maker. My grandmother mothered not only her six children, but she also mothered hundreds of children as an aunt, teacher, principal, and community leader.
Remember, as a Mom, you’re a Hero and Hero Maker.
Do your best with the tools you have. Seek help from your support system and community.
Having the privilege to be a mother and caregiver is the most important job on earth.
You will have hard decisions to make that may not be popular or favorable to others, however, you must do what’s best for you and your family.
Be the Hero and Hero Maker for your children.
Have you had to make hard decisions that would affect your children’s future?
Please share who’s your hero and some of the reasons why.
[…] I shared how my mom had me at 19 years old and made the tough decision to leave me when she went to college in my article Moms are Heros and Hero Makers. […]