I am a Village Child. My Village which includes my parents raised me.
All that I am is because my Village, my community poured into me.
Are you feeling overwhelmed with all you need to do to raise your children?
Does It Really Takes a Village to Raise A Child?
I was raised by a Village of wonderful humans. Wonderful souls who poured love and strength into me.
They gave me tools that have made me who I am today.
Your Village Can Provide the Tools and Resources You Cannot
In Raising Me, My Village Gave Me Tools to Help me Become an Independent and Contributing member of Society.
- My village introduced Faith, Church, the Bible and God to me.
- They taught me how to treat others.
- My Village showed me the value of having a good education.
- They showed me how to sew, cook, clean and wash clothes by hand.
- My Village showed and gave me love.
- They let me know that Much was expected of me. And I could achieve success with hard work.
- My Village taught and showed me wrong from right.
- They showed me that life is about living in community with each other.
My Village gave me a Family and Community. They were and are my Family.
You May Have Community Available and Not Realize It
I didn’t realize the privilege I had when I was moving from home to home as my Village shuffled me around to care for me how best they could.
I shared how my mom had me at 19 years old and made the tough decision to leave me when she went to college in my article Moms are Heros and Hero Makers.
It’s Hard To See Your Blessings When You’re In The Midst of Tough Times – If You’re Not Looking
I was an emotional wreck and felt sorry for myself for years.
I was hurt and confused as to why I wasn’t able to be with my mom. The one person I wanted. I focused more on what I didn’t have and couldn’t see all that I did have in my community.
My mom was forward-thinking to look beyond her immediate situation and set forth to not only dream of a better life, but to go after it despite the many obstacles.
She had a force of a family that had her back. She had a Village!
I know at times, it didn’t seem that way to her.
Family as Your Village
My father built a village to help him as a single dad.
He stepped up how best he could. I can only imagine what it was like for him being a single parent to a one-year-old baby girl.
With the support of his parents, family, friends, neighbors and helpers/maids they raised and cared for me for the first years of my life when my mom was away at college.
I know I was a hand full!
My mother’s family took over as the village that cared for me.
I was shuffled a few times between my Grand Aunt and Uncle, Aunts, Uncles and Grandmother (my mother’s mom).
Going back and forth between my mom and dad’s families.
I don’t remember the order of which I was moved from home to home during that time.
I was reunited with my mom around 9 or 10 years old.
They are several years in my childhood that I can’t remember in consecutive order.
What I do remember is all the love, words of encouragement, even the tough love that most Jamaican children receive.
For years I looked at what I did not have and didn’t realize how blessed I was. I have never doubted the dedication and love of my family, my Village!
Having a Strong Community Gives Children Confidence
When I first immigrated to the United States from Jamaica, I was told that I needed to learn to take the bus.
My aunt got me a job as a cashier at the company she worked. She picked me up and dropped me off every day.
Some days I got to work early before my shift started and other days I would finish my shift before my aunt was finished working. However, I was thankful for the ride from my aunt and the time I spent with her.
Confidence In The Support of Your Village
I was told, “you should really learn to take the bus because people in America only help you for a short time”.
This was very valid advice indeed! Learn to be independent and stand on your own two feet!
However, this person did not know the Village and Family I am from!
My response. Mind you, I was 20 years old at the time.
“I don’t know about your family, but my family is not like that”!
In Jamaica, they would say, I was “bright and facety” to have responded to an older person in that manner. Yes, I have always been outspoken…
Building a Strong Village Around Your Children Provides Security
Growing up with my Village they are only a few memories of feeling a lack of… I wasn’t aware of much of anything missing other than my one true Desire of Being with My Mom.
Because my Village filled in most of the missing pieces.
Moms, if you’re feeling alone and you’re struggling with taking care of your family. Whether you’re a single mom or you have a partner, it’s hard being a parent.
Arm yourself with a tribe! A village!
A community to help you nurture and care for your children.
You don’t need to do everything and be everything by yourself!
With the support of her Village, my mother was able to get the education, tools, and resources to better care for herself and her children. When I reflect on how the pieces of the puzzle of our lives have played out I can see that God has a master plan.
You are Responsible for the Development and Care of Your Children
Being a parent is the most important role we have as humans. Our Village supports us where we need help. However, as parents and especially mothers we provide fundamental care, security, and love for our children.
My Village played an integral part in my life, however, my mother is the most influential person in my life! She’s my first love and my Hero!
She continues to mother me until this day at 40+ years old.
Does It Really Takes a Village to Raise A Child?
Yes, it takes a Village to Raise a child. However, parents must provide the fundamental security, nurturing, and love for our children.
How Do You Build A Village to Help You Raise Your Children?
My family and I relocated to the Chicagoland area just over two years ago. We only knew one person. My husband’s work colleague. We had no family or friends living close by.
After the dust settled from moving and getting the necessities completed I realized how alone we were. Thankfully, we like each other and enjoy each other’s company.
My family and I have moved quite a few times. However, this was the first time I wasn’t working. Typically, I connect with my work colleagues to build community. That was not an option this time.
I had to get out, leave the house, and build a village, a community for our family.
Places I Sought out to Build a Village to Help Me Raise My Children
Church
Finding a church was top of our priority list when we decided to relocate.
We wanted to find a church where we could be active members and find a church family.
Thankfully we found a church we loved within the first few weeks. Our daughters fell in love with the kids’ community.
Participate in events and classes offered at church
My husband and I attended a few classes offered at church within the first months. Through one of the classes, we were connected with a member that invited us to join his Small Group.
Join a Small Group and Find a Community to do Life with
Our small group members are now our close friends. When we moved and I completed my children’s school admissions paperwork I did not have anyone to submit as an emergency contact that lived close.
We now have several close friends within our small group village that are our emergency contacts.
Volunteer and Serve at Church. Don’t just go to church. Become a part of the church.
Our daughters are learning and thriving at church. Kennedie, our oldest daughter serves in the kid’s ministry assisting with the younger kids.
Our entire family is active within our church.
Our church community is helping us raise our children teaching them God’s word.
Children’s School
Your children’s school is another great place to look within to help build your village.
I have met some great friends through both of my daughter’s schools.
Attend the birthday parties. Don’t just drop the kids off and leave. Stay and connect with other parents.
My oldest kept asking to have playdates. I did not feel comfortable sending her to someone’s house I didn’t know.
We met two of her friend’s parents at a birthday party and spoke to them about getting together.
I invited both families over to our house so we all could get to know each other. We all had an awesome time.
And got to start getting to know each other.
I’m now more comfortable with sending my daughter on playdates with these families.
Get out of your comfort zone. Be the person to invite your children’s classmates and their families to join your Village.
Volunteer at your children’s school if your schedule permits.
Speak with and get to know your children’s teachers.
Several of the teachers at my youngest daughter’s school babysits for us on a regular basis.
Gym
When I first joined a gym in our new hometown I would attend class, say hello to my fellow members and then leave.
I tried YMCA last summer as I needed a gym that offered childcare so I could workout while my kids were home for summer break.
I was pleasantly surprised by all I have gained from joining the YMCA. The classes are great and I now have several friends that we work out together several times a week. I wrote about how the YMCA surprised me in this article last year.
When all your communities collide.
I have several friends that I work out with at the YMCA that attend’s my church. And several that have children in the same class or school as my daughters.
It’s a wonderful feeling to see and know familiar faces in several places. You start feeling apart of a Community, a Village.
Extracurricular Activities | Kids Sports Teams
Connect and make community with the families at your kids’ extracurricular activities and sports teams.
Connect through Social Media Groups and Communities
When we moved to our new city I used Social Media to learn and connect.
I joined all the local parents, neighborhood, school and women’s Facebook groups.
Facebook groups are great to learn about events and ask questions in a “safe place”.
Organize a Meetup or Playgroup
I’m in the process of creating a meetup and playgroup for mothers and children to connect over the summer.
I have spoken to a few friends who are interested in assisting with planning activities, have given me suggestions and want to participate.
My goal is to create the best summer ever for my daughters. While promoting friendship, physical activity and having fun outside.
You must put yourself out there to create a village. Sitting home will not build your village.
Get uncomfortable, do something new to create the change you crave and need. For you and your children.
An Example of how Living in Community and Having a Village Makes a Difference
When I dropped my youngest daughter off at preschool this morning I saw one of my friends pulling in as well. Her son and my daughter are in the same class and we take several fitness classes together.
She parked and turned around speaking to her son in the back of the car as I walked my daughter inside.
She was still there when I came back outside.
I said hello and asked if she was okay. She said it’s been a challenge.
I have been there and have some idea of what was going on. The good thing was her son was not screaming as my daughter has at times.
I walked over and started speaking with her son and asked if he was excited about playing outside today.
I told him, Kendall, my daughter was already inside and encouraged him to go inside and see her.
He came out of the car and went inside with his mom.
This is what, I’m speaking about! I could have kept going, but, I saw a friend that needed a hand. I have been there too! My friend is apart of my village and I am apart of hers.
One small gesture helped that mama out. It takes a village!
Why It’s Important for us to Live in Community and Create Villages?
We were not intended to do life alone. We’re intended to live in Community. To support each other.
I knew I needed additional resources to help me raise my children. I can’t raise them alone.
My mother needed the assistance of her family, her community and village, while she worked on getting the skills, education, and resources to care for her children.
It wasn’t easy, however, we’re all thankful for all the lessons learned and opportunities received.
We each have different strengths, talents, and skills. Create a village to help you fill in where you can’t.
As parents, it’s our responsibility to raise our children. They are our future leaders.
We can’t do it alone.
I have sought help and will continue to seek help on this motherhood journey.
I’m building my village by:
- Been an active member of my church community
- Connecting with families and teachers at my children’s schools
- Connecting over common goals through the gym
- Forming communities with families through my children’s activities
- Utilizing technology and Social to learn and connect
- Organize Meetups and Playgroups to form communities for myself, my children, family, and community
Does It Really Takes a Village to Raise a Child?
As a child that was raised by the village, and a mother creating a village to help raise her children, I say “Yes, It Does Take a Village to Raise a Child!”
Please share how you’re building your village to help you raise your children.
I would love to hear from you. You can post your comments below or email me directly on yamiek@rockstarcareermoms.com.
